MORE Shootings? Here’s An Idea

Insert Heavy Sarcasm…..

Hey you idiot, murdering, shooting scum-buckets who really feel the need to shoot/bomb your mother, your co-workers, a school full of kids, a building full of people because you’re a (insert your handy “excuse” here)!

Hey, you!  I’m talking to YOU!

You, the idiot who ends your little joy-ride, killing spree by offing yourself?

Please SAVE SOME INNOCENT BULLETS — just cut to the quick, no foreplay —  get to the end.

Your mom, family and friends will be upset, depressed, pissed off etc because you’re dead.  I feel bad for the family of these men who go on these shooting, killing sprees.

And please don’t get all “You Femi-Nazi Man Hater” on me.  Yes, folks, it IS mostly MEN.

First of all, you are giving all real MEN who face major (or minor) illness, injury, employment loss, death, war, dismemberment, catastrophe, loss a really bad name.

For every one of you losers there are hundreds of thousands, millions of men, world-wide, of all faiths, ages, nationalities, socio-economics who pony up every day and just keep on keeping on. For every jerk who pulls this stupidity, there are hundreds and hundreds of thousands of men (and women) reaching out a helping hand. Worldwide.

So please, do us all a favor.

You decided to not man (or woman) up and face your problems, demons, whatever the latest catch-phrase or “excuse du jour” is.  Oh, wah-wah.  We all have problems.

So, OK, you decide to NOT take out a few or a bunch of people and you off yourself. Now your mother/family/friends have to grieve and wonder what the hell did they do wrong.  For the rest of their lives.  You got your revenge.  Nice job. A**hole.

Happy now?

I sure hope not.

Thanks, you jerk-off.  You weren’t dying of terminal cancer.  And even if you were, you sure as heck didn’t need to take out one, two or a hundred folks with you.

You’re not “wounded.”  You’re not “disturbed.”  You’re not a martyr. YOU, buster, are a jerk.

You know what?  I hope when you pass from this life into the next, it’s not a Next Life, it’s limbo.  It’s the worst kind of hell YOU could possibly imagine.  I hope for all eternity every life you took haunts your sorry a**.  I hope all the stuff you tried to get away from follows you for all eternity.  I hope Karma bitch-slaps you eternally.

Oh, and all your folks out there killing for any religious reasons or in a Paradise ridden hype-up?  I hope you never get to rest. I hope the 100 virgins you were supposed to get are 100 menopausal women who will harp on you. Forever. I need not bring up animal abusers….

I hope no animal you’ve ever owned meets you anywhere in the land of sunshine and rainbows. They’ll be too busy helping your victims cross over.

I hope the Universe kicks your ass.

I hope your family grieves, misses you, prays for you but eventually GETS on with their LIVES!  My prayers are for THEM.

If you just saved some damn bullets and shot yourself FIRST you would save countless lives.

Thank you.

The Rest Of Us

It’s A Small World After All…..

Especially in the theater.  Especially in northeast Ohio theater……

 As of this date (Jan. 29, 2013) I’m in tech week for a show called THE ROBIN HOOD CAPER at Brecksville Little Theater.  I have a small but fun “Dubonnet” role (you gotta love those) and I don’t come on until the 3rd act.  My fellow actors are a great bunch, no weirdos, no egos.  I’ve worked with Steve and Linda who play two of the four leads.  We’ve done murder mysteries and at least one play together.

 My hen-pecked husband is played by a nice guy named Joe.  He’s friendly, funny and easy to work with!  He’s also a bit shorter than me once I put on my high heels and ugly, floral hat!  It’s a great sight gag.

 As actors are wont to do (those of us who don’t bear the brunt of being on stage all the time, as the four leads must do) we sit around and do a lot of  bullsh*ting.  We do talk “theater” but we also talk about other stuff; animals, work, photography, travel, history, family. We have a lot of time together off stage.  It’s a lovely group of folks, all very professional yet silly!

Last night, I was starting to share a story about my first professional theater gig.  I was 16 years old and it was 19… Well….let’s say it was decades ago. 

I began my story with: “I was doing a musical at Showboat Theatre in Cleveland….”

 

“SHOWBOAT????  IN CLEVELAND???” interrupts Joey excitedly, “WHAT PLAY???”

 

“Carnival…” I reply.

 

OH MY GOD, I DID THAT PLAY!!! I think I did it at Showboat!!!!” hollers Joey!

 

“Really??  Holy crap, no way!! You know, I think I might still have the program….”

 

Do you still have the program? Oh my God, I’d love to see it!” he asks hopefully.  I said I’d look for it.  He is wildly excited about this. I’m feeling a bit embarrassed that I didn’t remember or recognize him.  Of course he didn’t remember or recognize me either, so there you are!

 

 

After rehearsal, I half-heartedly searched through my pictures and stuff, thinking I do remember having seen the damn program fairly recently but I’ll bet (in a megan-induced “I-have-to-get-rid-of-sh*t” frenzy) I pitched it.

 

There, tucked loosely into a old scrapbook, is the program.

 

I almost weep with joy!

 

For some odd reason, I’ve not saved many programs.  I heard somewhere along the line that it was egotistical, wasteful and downright stupid to save old programs.  Perhaps it survived many purges because it was my first professional “I got paid” show.

With shaking hands I open the four-decades old program and scan the cast.

 

I see my picture and bio and turn the page……..

 

It just goes to show you: Old Actors Never Die.  You’ll probably work with them again at some point.

 

So, dear Joey Vartorella, who plays my hen-pecked husband, it is true pleasure to work with you again.

 

Even if it took (almost) 43 years!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So Your Pittie Got Knocked Up….

Heck, if your “any type” b*tch got knocked up….. 

 

It’s particularly bad for “Pit” or “Block-head” types for a wide variety of reasons.  Dog fighting, BSL, etc. etc. etc. 

 

Oh, dear, folks here are going to upset about this one.  The pregnant Pit. I can see them with pitchforks,  gathering wood for fires and setting up the stake in the courtyard…..they’re brushing off the pillory….plucking chickens, heating up the tar….

 

If I had my cat’s “oops pregnancy” to do over again, I’d spay-abort.  But she was due in 10 days. (So the vet at the APL said. Not.)  Granted, those kittens, (now well into their teens) had good homes and good lives. But I was a total Nazi when it came to homes for them.  A She-wolf!

 

Are you ready to take back any one of those puppies at any time during its life, which can be up to 16-18 years from now?  If not, don’t do it

 

Do you have totally checked and vetted-out homes for at least 2 times as many puppies as she will have?  Pittie type litters average between 4-10.  If you don’t have all those people lined up with large deposits, no “yeah-buts we’ll take one”…..Don’t do it.  

 

Many people from Rescue and Pit advocacy groups will be very upset about this mistake in dog management. And rightly so. I come from a slightly different angle here, having been in purebred dogs for over 20 years. And no, I’ve never bred a litter or stood my intact dogs at stud. Yes, admittedly you were completely at fault for not being vigilant  A solid tie can happen way quicker than you’d every imagine. (And if you don’t know what that term means….yikes!)  

 

Yes, she should be spayed and your boy should be neutered.  There is no question about that. We’re not talking show dogs here. And many people who show their dogs never breed them. And if neither parent has been health tested for hips, elbows, eyes (PRA, DLL), heart, Van Wildebraun’s etc. then spay-abort. Does one or both parents have skin issues, severe allergies? These are all genetically carried problems that can impinge on the quality of those pups’ lives. If you’ve never heard of any of this stuff or if you have NO idea what I’m talking about, you should spay-abort. 

 

However….if you are really going to go through with this, I hope like hell you have a clean, quiet, warm house, whelping box, old blankets, towels, tons of newspapers a SUPER great vet, a good ER vet clinic and some super-experienced dog people versed in whelping to help you.  If you’re going to continue forward with this….please, I beg you: DO IT RIGHT. Find someone reputable who breeds medium to large-sized purebred dogs on a very limited basis. Not a backyard breeder or an “Oops Breeder”. Not your friend down that street whose b*tch got knocked up last year. (Whelping Toy Breeds is a whole ‘nother story). You need their advice and wisdom.

 

Momma dog should be going to the vet every week for her pre-natal check up and probably be ultra-sounded as well. If she has a breech pup, it could kill her; she may need a Cesarean. That’s at least $1,000 there.  If you’re lucky.

 

Some vets will do very early spay/neuters on the puppies. I do beg you, SPEND THE MONEY. please do not let the puppies go without having them fixed, micro-chipped and fully vetted.  Parvo kills! 

 

People who responsibly breed dogs (and don’t ya’all dare flame me with your “all breeders are scum” vigilante spew) spend a ton of money and never get it back. She’s a Pittie type, so you are going to have to be uber-vigilant about who gets those puppies. I’d do serious background checks, check ALL their references, do a pre-home visit and have a contract that says at any time WITHOUT NOTICE you can visit where that dog lives. Are you ready to be their guardian and advocate for the rest of their lives?

 

You must be prepared to do the “Smart Puppy Program” with these little ones. If you have no idea what I’m taking about, spay-abort. You can Google that and see if you’re up to the task. It will make them much better dogs as they grow. 

 

The average responsible breeder of ANY breed, will spend $250-$1,000+ PER puppy on pre-natal, post natal care and puppy care. That’s not including testing done on both parents. 

 

It is a full time job 24/7 for 8-10 weeks.  By the way, don’t let anybody b.s. you….letting puppies go at any age before then (like 5-6 weeks) is totally irresponsible, in my opinion. I know I know, shelters do it.  I do not approve. Even though Mom has weaned them she still has a lot to teach them.  DON’T DO IT.  Once puppies are mobile, they really become a full-time job with full-time, never-ending clean up.  Puppies are noisy, adorable, messy, destructive, little heart-stealing monsters.

 

Since this was an unplanned pregnancy, I would SERIOUSLY consider a spay-abort even at this late stage.  She’ll be OK. Remember! She and the pups are YOUR responsibility for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. Even when they go to new homes, THEY ARE YOURS ALWAYS. You should be there always for your puppy owners, revel in their accomplishments and cry with their owners when they go to The Bridge, old and grey and loved to the very end.

 

That being said…puppy breath is pretty special stuff, no denying that. But most people are woefully unprepared for the responsibility, time and expense to do it RIGHT. You must be totally committed to doing it right for the rest of their lives.