You’re Not….Voting?

 I swear to all that’s holy…. if I hear ONE more person of ANY age but especially a young age (under 40) and ESPECIALLY young WOMEN that:
1) they are not gong to vote “because it’s all rigged” or
2) voting is stupid, “it doesn’t matter,” etc. etc. etc.
3) I’m too busy to bother….
I say: Quit posting your political stuff on your Facebook wall since you’re not going to exercise your RIGHT as a Citizen to Anywhere in the world that has voting, you hypocrite!
I say: Young Women, your grandmothers or great-grandmothers remember when they couldn’t vote because they were women.  You represent 49% of the population and less than 50% of you vote.? Talk about dumb broads!  Saudi women were just granted the right to vote in 2011.  And you American gals don’t VOTE?  Are you nuts?
Even if you don’t vote for candidates, there are always other things on the ballot that might MATTER to you!  Like a levy, bill, or issue.  Then when you wonder why you can’t smoke your cigarettes outside your own home or your taxes went up or your school closed because the levy didn’t pass, I’ll tell you why. You didn’t VOTE.
QYB and get your butt out the door and VOTE!

Cesar Milan, Again?

Here is the article in question:

I can see where the writer is coming from in so many respects of this article and I agree with much of it even though (by the way) it IS an old article.  Note the episodes he references. While everyone is flailing away at BAD Cesar Milan did anyone miss something huge in this article?  
 
The part that said “compulsive” behaviors are always neurological? 
 
To quote:
The last episode (compulsive disorder) is particularly unsettling because compulsive disorder is related to an imbalance in neurotransmitter levels or receptors, and is therefore unequivocally a medical condition.
 
Unequivocally? Really? That means (in the abjective form): 
Admitting of no doubt or misunderstanding; clear and unambiguous
 
To that I reply: Horse Manure.  A lot of “compulsive” behaviors are learned or created due to lack of exercise or some kind of positive interaction.  Like tail chasing etc.   Excuse me, Mr. Expert, so all puppy mill dogs who might circle incessantly or exhibit other compulsive behavior, they ALL have a “medical condition?”  How about they’ve never been out of a CRATE?
 
If all compulsive behaviors were due to bad brain wiring you’d never cure an animal or help them overcome it, get through it, whatever the latest PC buzz-word is.  In my opinion, it’s a ridiculous blanket assumption.  I don’t care how many vet degrees you’ve got.  Unequivocally?  Well, heck, let’s just nuke the poor dog, he’ll never get better.  
 
I see the veterinary community becoming a lot like human medicine…let’s medicate the heck out of the animals instead of holistic health, training for pet AND owner, etc. etc.  When was the last time you heard a vet that wasn’t some expensive big shot vet saying, “Man, get your dog to a positive dog training class!” or “Go online and look up Clicker Training,” or “You know what your dog’s problem is?  YOU!”  Uh, I think not.  Too bad more don’t. The animals would be better served.
 
I think the writer would have been better off giving some constructive alternatives instead of just criticism, just flaunting his “expertise.”  So do tell us, Doc, how would you handle those three cases??  
 
I’m not saying Cesar’s handling of those three dogs was right, correct or appropriate. Far from.  I’m sorry but it’s like a theater critic who’s never been IN a real show in any capacity pontificating on how crappy Joey’s little theater show was.  How about you get out of your ivory tower, go to Bumflip, Iowa and you help some poor sod work with his tail-chasing dog, Doc?
Oh, here’s a thought…how about if you go around to poor communities, isolated communities and just do a free or low cost seminar helping hands on with troubled dogs and their distraught owners instead of writing articles?
You want someone who’s helping people, look up kikopup on Youtube; she’s doing it for free, although I’m sure she’d appreciate some bread.  Click on the link….
What Cesar Milan has done, right or wrong, agree or disagree, is he’s made desperate dog owners AWARE.  Aware, for good or ill, that there is something out there to help your problem dog.
 
I got news;  when you have a big time dog problem you feel isolated.  Like no one else gets it. That there are no other resources.  I’ve been there.  I have felt truly desperate and alone.  I wept buckets of tears.  I have blamed myself. 
 
Remember in 2005 we didn’t have nearly the resources on YouTube, Facebook etc.  I still get questions about problem animals if I do a program.  Dog classes can be expensive; not that you shouldn’t take them, you should.  But when if you don’t drive like me? Or they’re not anywhere even close to where you live? People still don’t know where to go or whom to turn to. 
 
Agree or disagree on his methods but…face it…..
 
Ten to fifteen years ago, his methods, right or wrong were THE NORM. Is it archaic?  Sure?  Are they still used?  You betcha.  Check out some performance dogs or schutzhund. 
 
Let’s face it too; most of those dogs on his show would have been dumped or killed.  
 
He’s also made people aware that their dog is picking up on their “energy.” It’s going right down the leash. What is so bad about that message?  My first dog teacher told me that in 1993. I’ve had my Positive Training Friends call me out on this all the time!  Three weeks ago was the most recent and they were right!  I know if I’m all weirded out, my dog is going to be too!  It happened three weeks ago!
 
Cesar Milan has also done a lot for Positive Pit Press.  I think, for good or ill, him being on TV with his Daddy dog has done a whole heck of a lot to turn people’s minds away from the Bad Pit Bull Dog Syndrome. You may not like his methods, think them cruel, archaic, whatever….. but for the Pit stuff you all really need to give him some credit.  Just my opinion.  
 
He kind of started the trend of Dog “Training” TV shows and other people, like Victoria Stillwell have run with that in a more positive training approach. He made it viable TV. 
 
Just sayin’

A Walk In The Woods

By Artie Blue, Aug. 11, 2012
Elke: I stayed home with a giant Kong and bones. Peace.
 
Artie says:
 
Last night I went in the red car in my crate. I was pretty good.
 
We went to the Woods Walking Place and there were a whole bunch of doggies, some I’d never seen before! I barked and got way excited. Mom was telling me to shush and feeding me cheese. I was excited to see my friends, Oreo, McKinley and Dudders. We are the 4 Musketeers, Mom says.
 
We went for a walk by the lake for a while and then we came back to the parking lot and I saw Momma Jen and her 2 doggies that I know, Tovah and Shay! “HIiiiiii guys! Memeber me?“I barked!
 
Then some people went one way and a whole bunch of us went the other into the wood part. A lady named Kelly was holding her little doggie in her arms. “Why are you doing that?” I wondered!! “Is your doggie a toy?” She is a puppy named Molly, maybe her mommy was worried about her.
 
As we were running through the woods, one white dog decided she didn’t like what I was doing that AT ALL! Maybe she’s a fun cop.  She pounced on me, held me down and growled at me and all the humans were not happy.  Mom and Auntie Gayle were worried about me.
 
Finally we settled down for a good walk! Me and Mom were way ahead for a while there with Dudders and his mom. But we kept on having to ask Uncle Ray where to go…..
 
We came to a pond and Tovah and Shay and I went for a serious swim. Mommy and Dad said Tovah’s trying out for the Lympic Swimming Team! Then Oreo and Kinners were in the pond, running around and my friend, Dudders was barking and running at all of us on the shore! I bet he wants to play but he doesn’t know how yet.
 
Me and Tovah and Shay ran through the woods. Wheeeee! It was fun! I was chasing Tovah! When Tovah runs towards the humans, Mom stands by a tree! Tovah sure is fast and she’s way bigger than me. Mom said, “I know Rotts, she might bump into me!” but she was laughing about it!  She likes Tovah’s kind of dog.
 
It was a long walk and when we were at the car, the sun was setting in the sky. Mom put bicycling blinky lights on my harness so I could be seen cuz I am the color of the woods!  
 
After our walk we went back to Auntie Gayle’s house.  Oreo and Kinners were there, of course cuz that’s where they live.  I walked in like I own the joint.  The little puppy, Molly was there and Auntie told Momma Jen to bring in Shay and Tovah. I think Momma Jen was surprised that her doggies could come in too.  The humans played games with a little white ball and paddles on a table and Tovah kept trying to eat the ball.  Dad was yelling at her because she didn’t want to drop it.  All us dogs kept trying to get the food cuz it smelled sooooooo good.  I finally laid down.  Us dogs would sniff little Molly but nobody bothered her. 
 
Mom says it was so nice that everybody got along so nicely.  Even Tovah would sometimes rest for a minute.  Me and Shay (cuz we’re herding dogs), we were kind of busy cuz we wanted everyone to relax!  The humans talked and ate and played games.  Mom had fun; she loves that kind of stuff and she kept on thanking Dad for such a nice evening as I was falling asleep in my crate in the car. 
 
Elke: You smell funny.  Where have you been?

Need To See A Specialist? Good Luck With That.

Arrrrgh! Doctors’ offices!
You think they could expedite a visit to a specialist.  but, nooooo.  Of course not.  Fluid in your ears? Vertigo? Again? That cough that won’t go away?
Well, one of the doctors (not your doctor) in our practice can see you today.  (Well, whoopee-dee-fkg-do!)  What’s he going to do, stick a band-aid on his ear?  Prescribe more stupid antibiotics?  Yeah, like that’s helped already.  Not.  All it does is keeps the SU off his meds that help with his pain and make him crankier than a crocodile.
“No, I need the Doc to get my SU into a SPECIALIST.  An ENT doctor.”
“No, uh, I/we can’t do that.”  (Are you kidding me? It’s a fkg phone call.  You pick up the damn phone.)
“No, I/we can’t do that.  You could go to the ER.”
“Oh, yeah, so they can bill us $1000+ to tell us (DUH) we need to see an ENT?  But, hey, can THEY get us in today, tomorrow?”
At the ER: “Uh……no…….you have to make an “follow up” appt.  What the hell is that???”
So to circumvent this continual loop of stupidity, I start calling ENTs.  “We’re booking 6 weeks out.”
“This is important.  Vertigo.  Fluid in the ears. Person should NOT be in car driving with vertigo…..”
“Well, we can put you on our cancellation list.”  Who do I shoot today to get an appt.?
I called every ENT office in the Akron area.  Even Children’s Hospital. Not one can see anyone today, tomorrow or for weeks.  I even cried on the phone.
So now, I’m in the Cleveland Clinic loop……
This has nothing to do with nationalized health care or any of that other political crap. because trust me WITH nationalized health care, what you all don’t realize that if it’s something big or requiring a specialist, you’ll be put on a waiting list.
And it has nothing to do with going to the ER, which by the way unless you’re bleeding, sucks too.   Broken arm, broken leg?  It hasn’t punctured the skin?  Have to wait to see a bone guy, to have it set.  And why do you not have an orthopedic surgeon on call so you can get your bone set?
It has EVERYTHING to with scheduling. Over-scheduling.
I am so pissed.
The SU says, “It’s no big deal.”  If it was no big deal, it would be GONE!  MEN!!!!!!
If our doctor’s office thinks they have heard the last of me, THEY have vertigo.

I Love Tony Bennett

I love this story my friend Julie told me years ago.
In the late 40s, her parents (children of Hungarian/Polish immigrants) went to a Cleveland club, probably a nightclub, as our parents did in those days. The joint was basically empty, maybe 5 people. A young, short, skinny Italian man with a big nose came out to sing with a combo. They said he was gracious, funny, warm and had a wonderful voice. He invited those 5 people up towards the band stand.
“I”ll sing just for you folks,” he said, with shy charm. He was so wonderful and enjoyable, they wanted him to sing another set. He did. He sang the whole evening even though he really didn’t have to. During his breaks, he’d sit at their table, share some drinks and talk to them about this and that. They fell in love with him. Julie’s mom claimed all her life that she was his First Fan.
His name was Tony Bennett.
I have seen Tony perform live at the Palace Theater in Cleveland. See the picture?  That’s exactly what he does the whole time.  Smiling away, he made me feel I was one of just a few, not a thousand. Intimate. As though I was at that small nightclub decades ago. What an honor!  Seeing TB is like taking a Master Class in how to sing standards.  He acts as though he is just having the best time, that there is no place else he’d rather be that evening.
To meet him, even if just for a moment, would be such a thrill. It’s on my bucket list. Hey, I met Les Paul, the greatest guitar player who ever lived . Who’s to say I couldn’t meet Tony Bennett?? Who’s to say I couldn’t SING with TB?  Stranger things have happened…..

Wrasslin’


Or “Mia and Marty Go To The Sideshow…er, uh TNA Wrestling.”

 
Professional wrestling (PW) or wrasslin’ or it is commonly known is all show and part sport. It is know, rather jokingly in this household. as Ballet For Guys. Think about what ballet has: music, sets, lighting, stars, a storyline, people in costumes leaping about, lifting each other, showing superb athletic skills and control. In a nutshell, that’s Ballet. Think Swan Lake. Think Nutcracker. Think bored men for centuries who only went to the ballet to check out the babes.
 
Wrasslin’ has all these elements. Loud music, a set (the ring), lighting, a storyline (Guy #1 hates Guy #2 because Guy #1 slept with his girlfriend, etc.), most definitelySTARS who are mostly men in tight shorts, unitards and tightly laced boots showing rather superb athletic skills with mostly fake throws, punches, lifts and smack-downs. Ballet’s “releve” is Wrasslin’s standing on the ropes, posing (see picture). Think movie fighting scenes WITHOUT the Foley art thrown in. There is no sound when they “connect.” Which was really weird because I’ve witnessed real fights and there is a lot of sound. There was a strange hollow, reverberating wood sound when they hit the floor of the ring. Now throw in some REALLY bad acting with Snidely Whiplash type villainy complete with the audience booing and you’ve pretty much got PW.
 
Now my Spousal Unit has been a fan of Wrasslin’ since he was a wee tyke and I mean wee. Every Thursday night, without fail, he gets a pizza and watches Ballet For Guys Or as it’s called in this household, even more jokingly and in a very bad French accent, “Bal-lay Du Geez.” Of course this is grammatically atrocious and quite incorrect but that’s what it’s called here.
 
My S.U. can recite the lineage of PW like an aristocrat can proclaim the generations of his prize-winning horses. He knows which bush leagues these guys (and gals) came up from and the various reiterations of different Wrasslin’ organizations. He used to watch every Monday and Thursday nights. I was beginning to feel like a Wrasslin‘ Widow. Wrasslin’ is on TV all 52 weeks of the year. And then there are the Pay Per Views, which thankfully he doesn’t do unless he knows an equally rabid Wrasslin’ fan and they share the fee. As a result of living with a Wrasslin’ fan I do know some of the bigger stars by name if not sight. Some of the former Wrasslers go on to movie careers (The Rock comes to mind), philanthropic works (Goldberg, who works tirelessly for animals, dogs especially) or even politics.
 
So when TNA announced they were coming to Akron, my SU expressed an wistful interest in going. He scoffed when I said I’d go with him.
 
“You hate wrasslin’!”
 
“Yes but YOU like it and you won’t go by yourself. Besides, it’s live theater. I like….uh, live theater! It’ll be a….(Quick, Mia, think) a…. cultural experience.” So off to the Civic Theater we go!
 
A professional wrestling show? My prurient lookee-lookee inner self rubbed its hands with glee. It could positively be STREWN with People Of Walmart! Think of the possibilities of extraordinary Bad Taste and Tackiness. Why this could be fodder for my evil-twin brain for WEEKS!
 
Other than the really freaky-scary looking dude with the face makeup, more than a few Goth types and (oh, gods help us) the not-even-a-size-14 girl in light colored (pink? blue?) stretchy sequined tank top *(See notes below), the crowd was disappointingly NORMAL looking. Just regular folks. That surprised me. I loved the 12 year old girl behind us while we waited identifying every guy on stage, educating her dad. I loved the guy sitting next to us with his college-aged son wryly admitting to me, “I don’t even know who any of these people ARE.”
 
By paying extra, Marty got autographs from some of the wrestlers. I shook their hands (while filming) and thanked them for coming. I felt eerily as though I were in a receiving line!!
 
While we are waiting, I find out (much to my stunned surprise) that my SU, this huge fan, HAS NEVER SEEN A LIVE SHOW! So it was a honor to be with him and share this experience with him!
 

 
Now to describe live professional wrestling; it’s part circus sideshow, part athletic event, part rock concert (complete with really noisy audience), part badly-acted theater. The merchandising is plentiful, the “sell” is hard. They want you to buy stuff. Think Carnival Barker or Snake Oil Salesman and you’ve got it. The more you buy, the more likely you are to meet one of your heroes up close or have your picture taken with them. The big package was a replica of the World Heavyweight Champion Belt, (in gen-u-ine pleather and some kind of embossed pseudo-metal) for $375.
 
You read that correctly. Three hundred seventy five buckeroos. Oh, but it came with a program and a DVD set, a $500 value total but on sale today, just for this show ONLY! (Think infomerical.)
 
When we got to our seats, a young boy, maybe 12 or so and his parents sat down and had purchased not one but TWO of these packages. Total cost before the candy and soda he was stuffing down his pouty, whiny, ungrateful throat —- $900 including tickets. His parents were more into the event than Junior. I’m sorry, but $900 —- that’s a cruise!! That could be a couple of days in Europe, flight included if you planned it right.
 
All said, I thought it was a fun evening. Not like Comedian Fun but fun. The best fight, from a realistic-looking point of view, were the two women. Marty just assumed from his TV watching they were Amazons. The ladies were quite tiny, under 5’5″ and very pretty. The guys had nice bods and they are all very athletic, all those lifts, throws and prat-falls. It is hokey, fake and a little bit tawdry but it can be dangerous and people have been seriously injured, crippled and killed doing it. I was thrilled that I got to watch Marty enjoying himself, yelling, booing and cheering along with the rest of the crowd.
 
I was rooting for the British guy even though he’s supposed to be a baddie. He had a cool accent.
 
*See the Unwritten Social/Fashion Rules:
People of a Certain Size/Age should NEVER Wear Spandex especially on the upper half of their bodies.
Sequins and Rhinestones, while always appropriate, should be worn In Moderation. Even by Drag Queens.

Artie’s Blog From Yesterday


Bandanna! Harness! Leash! Car ride! Stopping! Going! Walking in the woods!! So many smells! Elke grumbles, what’s that? Oh big brown animal thing? Far out! More walking! Back in car! Class Place! I smell Clark! I love Clark, where is he? I want to plaaaaay with Clark! Mom, why can’t I play with Clark, you smell like Clark! Did you….pet him?

Mom is walking me around, I don’t have my harness on now, must be Class Time! Smelling stuff, dogs, dogs, I smell dogs! I smell Clark, he peed here, let me pee on Clark’s pee! Ooooh, there is Auntie Kelsey, hihihih, let me jump up on you, auntie! I love you!! I don’t WANNA sit and be good! OK, fiiiiiine. I’ll sit. Humpf.
We go in the Class room! Clark is there! “HI CLARK!!!
Mom says, “Blooby, you have to be good and calm for Clark!” but I don’t wanna!!! Clark and me, we want to plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!! Our moms walk us around, my mom is sweet talking me. But me and Clark…we want to have fun! Poopy humans. Our moms walk towards each other, Mom has me on a short leash, talking to me, “Watch Me!”
“But it’s CLAAAARKKKKKKK!! I LOVE CLARK!” We walk around some more and Mom is being firmer, “Artie Blue, Watch ME!” but her voice is still pretty happy. we walk towards each other and mom says “Sittt” I lay down just to mess with her. She shakes hands with Clark’s mommy and another new lady says, “Pass.” Mom takes me outside and we hide from Clark. I don’t know why…..
Then we go back into the room. All my favorite people are there!! Mama Jen who fostered me with her other big doggies, Auntie Kelsey and Auntie Mary Ann and that guy from last week! A new lady is there! She talks to mom, ooooooooh, she’s coming to say hi to ME!!!! “Wheeeee! Hi, lady!! I’m Artie Blue, let me get in your face!!!” Mom turns me around and walks me away and then makes me sit and STAY (I hate stay when there are people around and they might touch me!) The new lady comes up and shakes hands with Mom and I rolled on my back. She messes with my feet and I AM SO EXCITED but I’m pretty good. Well…… for me I’m REALLY good.
Then I had to do the Sit, Down, Stay stuff. When Mom called me, “Artie, Front!” I saw my chance! “Hi everyone! Hi New Guy Friend, Hi Aunties, Mama Jen, I WUFFFF you!
But…..wait….Nobody pets me, human poopheads. they all turned away from me! Mom made me sit again, STAY (yeah, ok, ok. fine, sucks…). When she called me she was so excited, wow, she made all sorts of crazy squeaky noises and clapped her hands! More fun than every one else!
“Exercise finished, ” said the nice lady. and she took my leash. Mom said “Wait,” and left me.
(I’m having a brain fart, I can’t remember what happened.)
Mom came back and they said, “Congratulations! You passed!”
Passed what? Mom didn’t have a stinky cloud. But she sure was happy; she was playing with me and then everybody was petting me and making a BIG fuss over me! I got so excited I forgot myself and grabbed my leash with my mouth!!
There is a picture Mama Jen took of us! What do the words on it mean??
The people who helped my humans understand me better and help me learn things: http://www.lchaimcanine.com/
And Miss Chris’ who gave me my test, she helps human “get” their doggies too. http://www.woofwisedogtraining.com/